There are many roads to a peaceful life like taking up meditation to keep yourself in the now. The calming practice of yoga or walks in nature help to ground us in the now and push the pressures of the world into perspective.
Or maybe taking to the pool and swimming within the quiet of the water, following the black line on the bottom, is where you find your solace. Sometimes it’s in the company of those we love, a night in on the couch, or dinner with friends releasing the day’s stress as their laughter fills up your soul.
All sounds blissful, yes? Because these types of things keep you anchored in the moment, where anxiety and negative self-talk take the backseat. And yes, we all have our versions of in our bliss, where we do not have a care in the world.
If we can hold ourselves here, most of the time, it serves us well. It makes the world easier to navigate. Our sense of time is less rushed. There seems to be an ability to manage the ups and downs in a more even way. This mindfulness cocoons us, protects us and sends us into the world each day equipped with emotional resilience that gives an ability to bounce back.
But you can only get to this if you decide to leave one thing at the door and that thing is drama. I’m at an age where I no longer have a tolerance for it. I’ve lost more than one friend because of it, but once parting ways I inevitably feel a sense of relief to be away from it. It is palpable. Almost like toffee, drama acts to skew the reality of things, adding layers of the unnecessary, until you are caught in a mess that consumes your mind and your emotions.
We, as women, seem to be drawn to the stuff. If we are not aware of what we are doing we unravel ourselves to the mercy of the mountains made of molehills. We turn the simple into the widely complex, the ‘oh my god’ type of ‘you wouldn’t believe it but’ story which exponentially grows as we spread our drama to the further reaches of other people’s lives. Giving birth to drama and then letting it grow does nothing to cultivate peace nor mindfulness. This isn’t the type of Queen you want to aspire to be.
To some, drama is simply a cosy haven. On the surface, it seems that we are doing very proactive things as drama gives us an excuse to do all the wonderful things we seem to do as women. Things like talk, connect, empathise, share, support and drink white wine. That is why drama is so prevalent within the sisterhood. It connects us to all the natural reflexes which make us divinely feminine. We flex all those femme muscles but unfortunately it is with something ultimately negative, potentially destructive to others and often quite boring.
Drama is not productive. Instead it pulls in people from all corners, wraps them in a preoccupation of minutia, of who said what, and what that meant, and what do you think. A tumble dryer of conversations, less an effective self-talk and a cast of thousands. It sounds exhausting because it is. But those creating it don’t realise how much energy the whole thing is taking from them and those upon who it is inflicted. Drama is a smokescreen of what the real issue is. But creating this smokescreen enables the drama queen to delay actually sorting out her shit. Drama stops us from staying the course and instead flings around discourse and feigned feelings of being affronted with no actual benefit, to anyone.
So, steer clear of it. Don’t get yourself in the middle of a story in which you have no part. Don’t stick your nose in, offer your opinion or tell something to another living being, if really it’s not your story. Quit the gossiping, the multiple phone calls, the triangulation of the situation and just concern yourself with simple steps towards dealing with what is actually yours. In short, own your stuff and move onward.
Sure, ask your friends what they think but don’t lay your woes on their shoulders to solve. Reflect, take responsibility and don’t sweat the small stuff. It really doesn’t matter. What matters is to smell the roses and be mindful enough not to make life even more complicated than it already is. Instead of reaching out, reach within.
Learn to recognise what is truly important and leave the flotsam and jetsam aside. Take that walk where your mind is on the beauty around you. Catch up and connect with that friend and enjoy the lightness of a conversation not burdened by anxiety. Mostly, let go of the things which don’t concern you, not really, not in a life and death way. As Winston Churchill beautifully summed up ‘You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.’