1.My boyfriend cheated on his ex girlfriend.. will he do the same to me? Once a cheater always a cheater?
‘Once a cheater always a cheater’ is a very general statement which may not ring true in your situation. It really boils down to why someone cheats – and that’s where it gets complicated. The act of cheating will often stem back to an inner need or issue which hasn’t been addressed. If that isn’t resolved, then yes, they may cheat again and again.
For example (hypothetically), it might be that your boyfriend has a strong need to have positive encouragement from a partner, like praise, compliments, laughing at his jokes, etc – and as soon as the honeymoon period is over and you’re not showering him with those affirmations, he will find someone else who laughs at his jokes, flirts, and regularly gives him his much needed ego boost.
The problem is, we often attract the same types of people, so we will repeatedly hook up with someone who doesn’t give us what we need, yet be too scared to break up and face the issue – and that’s what can lead to cheating. The real trick is to identify the problematic inner need, work out where the cheating is stemming from, and addressing it at its core. If we develop ourselves to ensure we are attracting the right person, a beautiful, committed relationship will result, and cheating will be a thing of the past.
It’s a fascinating topic – and one of the areas I love to address in coaching. Don’t lose hope – if he wants to be a faithful partner, he can be – but he may need to take action beyond just ‘hoping’ that things work out better this time around.
2.My boyfriend of 6 years and I broke up 6 months ago and I hadn’t heard a word from him until recently out of the blue I get a text message asking to meet up for coffee, which then resulted in a conversation of him wanting to get back together…after 6 months of no communication. The reason for breaking up he gave me was ‘he fell out of love with me’, and his message now is that he has made the biggest mistake of this life by breaking up with me. I am going through so many emotions again and wondering why now after 6 months has he only realised his real feelings, if these are even real? What steps should I be taking when working through this with him if I potentially want to get back together with him?
This is such a common issue – I feel for you. The reality is that we are all on our own journey. And as much as I hate that buzzword, it’s true. Being alone has highlighted to your boyfriend the things he probably took for granted in your relationship, and now he wants a chance to have those again.
Unfortunately, at the same time, if you get back together with him, it’s entirely likely that you’ll just end up down that road again – because the same things which broke you up are still there.
This is exactly why broke people who win the lottery are usually broke again two or three years later. They haven’t addressed their inability to attract and hold onto money – so even if you hand it to them on a platter, it will disappear again.
The habits and issues which broke you up need to be addressed to have success the second time around. These could be around communication, honesty, support, unconditional love… the list is endless. I would suggest getting your own coaching around your vision and goals for your life – then deciding if he fits into that… and if he does, then going to couples counselling together to build a strong foundation for the future. If he doesn’t – then it’s too bad, so sad for him.