The jokes on me today. I talk about my failed dating scenarios to add a little bit of light on the tedious talks of finding a match and my editor Bec, signs me up to interview the hottest dating guru the world has to offer- Matthew Hussey. All thanks to Channel 7’s new show appearing on our idiot boxes tonight, The Single Wives. I have watched the promos and I am not going to lie, it looks good. I feel like I am going to get some great advice from these four gorgeous women, all different ages and different situations. It is refreshing to have a reality TV show that is using real women, that have real stories that we can all relate to. I am happy to announce that with The Single Wives, we aren’t faced with skinny white girls looking orange in bikinis and high heels on an island! By the way, if you aren’t keen to read my expose on dating below, flick to the bottom, I have dot pointed the important tips I got from my chat with Matthew.
Anyway, back to the interview. Everyone thought it would be a great idea for me to interview Matthew because I have sort of dug myself into a hole of writing about dates. BTW my next article will be up soon, I am just bringing myself to put it together as it’s about me drinking at the date so memories are hazy! So since handed this interview I have been thinking about what it is we all really want to ask a dating expert? We all have the same questions, surely? What do we all want to know? I thought to myself I am going to ask around and see what the women of the world want me to ask… and then I thought. Hang on a minute, I am the one here still single and trying to find a date, I am not going to ask anyone elses questions I am asking my own!
So I did, and his responses should have been something that I was expecting in terms of what we should all be doing when it comes to dating. When you have someone like Matthew Hussey who is handsome, particularly well spoken, with an English accent telling you all the things you need to know about dating, your own knowledge of dating goes out the window. All I could hear was crooning advice, that I swear to use in my everyday dating life…unless of course Matthew would like to try his dating tips on me?
Getting out my notebook that I purchased in Melbourne on holiday, that says, ‘I AM VERY BUSY JUST ASK ME’ (ask my family as well), I started drawing a mind map of the dating scenarios that I have gone through in my life and what went wrong… obviously all one sided, because I am perfect. I started wondering if the questions that I was creating were the same questions he gets asked over and over again? FYI they weren’t, he said he loved my questions, they were really different and he wanted to answer more of them, however we ran over time.
Ok, so first question I asked… Physical attraction: we all go to online dating apps and develop calluses on our fingers from swiping away the ‘unattractive’ people on the app. But according to Matthew, physical attraction and having a shopping list of what we want in a partner isn’t always going to be what connects us to our ‘Unique Pairing’ . The danger of online dating can sometimes be that we don’t feel or get that physical or magnetic connection like we do when we are in the person’s presence. Matthew said ‘There is a difference between what is attractive in a magazine and what is attractive in real life’. And don’t we know that Matthew, we have all had our little case of being CATFISHED! You may look good in your picture online, but then in person – we don’t even recognise you! Anyway, we spoke about taking away the expectations of physical in what you’re looking for and more into looking for what makes us addicted to the person we want to be with. Most people that are together have opposite attractions that magnetically pull them together. So guys… look for the magnetic pull out there!
Next question I asked was about ‘Trust’ when going into a new relationship. How do you help a friend that has trust issues back into the dating scene again or how do you get back into the dating scene again if you have trust issues… We’re all counselors to our friends who are dating, and if your not, what kind of a friend are you! The biggest piece of advice Matthew gave me here was to put everything on the line.
‘You can’t go into a relationship trusting the person straight away, just like you can’t trust walking down a dark alley at night. You need to associate positive things with taking a chance and breaking through trust barriers. As soon as you start associating positive with trust it won’t be as hard to break through.’ he said.
Matthew associated dating with boxing, and I definitely agreed, having wanted to get into a boxing ring a few times with ex-boyfriends, but no, it wasn’t about the physicality of boxing, more about the mental game.
He explains.‘In boxing as soon as you jump in the ring you know you are going to get hit, it’s the name of the game. When you throw a punch you are automatically exposing yourself, opening up and becoming vulnerable to what your opponents next move will be, but that is how the game is played. What kind of life do you want to lead, is the question you must ask yourself? Don’t cower in the corner, get out and put yourself on the line!
I sure as hell don’t want to get in a boxing ring, but I do like the analogy of using the mental strengths of boxing, I have absolutely thrown some hooks and jabs (mentally) in past relationships…hence why I guess, I am single.
One question lead to another and I asked Matthew, how do you create a connection with someone? Matthew explained that in our lives we have already been pigeonholed into the person that people think we are. Whether we’re the person that is the overachiever at work and is addicted to work and loves talking about only that or you have always been the class clown so you always tell jokes because you make people laugh and people tell you, you are funny.
These traits are given to us by the people around us and we just take them on board. However when it comes to sitting in front of someone that you could potentially spend the rest of your life with, they don’t want to just hear about your work and how much you love it or listen to your funny jokes. They want to see the things that make you unique, they want to know about you and your life and family, your likes and dislikes. They don’t want to hear just the one thing. Don’t be too much of one thing! THEY WANT TO KNOW ALL THE THINGS!
As mentioned above with physical attraction, in life we need to find the person that completes our ‘Unique Pairing’ sequence in life. What are your quirks? What are the things that make you unique? These are going to be the things that your partner wants in their life, that they become addicted to because they don’t have that themself. This makes you the one that they to be with forever.
Another interesting in-sight from Matthew on this question was that when we go on our first dates we are in fight or flight mode, we’re managing your worst self at the time of this date. We’re all over the shop in terms of our emotions and feelings so make sure you know how to manage this state of self and your ability to date will become easy as!
I wanted to keep speaking to Matthew, he was imparting so much knowledge that I needed to hear, however he was getting the wind up hand motions at his end so we ended on me asking him what are the three most important things we should have in our dating profile biographies… good question am I right?! These are below…go forth fellow dating swamp monsters and use this knowledge.
To learn more tricks of the dating trade tune into Channel 7 this evening at 7:30pm to watch Matthew guide The Single Wives through their dating scenarios!
TOP TIPS FOR DATING FROM THE VERY GOOD LOOKING MATTHEW HUSSEY
- Physical attraction isn’t all that. It’s sometimes about a magnetic connection. You may have an idea in your head about what your partner should look like but sometimes when you meet the right person the physical shopping list that you have in your head goes out the window.
- Ask emotional questions after your small talk questions…example – What is your favourite movie (small talk question) – Why is that your favourite movie? (emotional question). The emotional questions get the blood racing and allows us to learn more about the person we are dating. If you sit on a date and small talk all night, both parties are going to walk away bored with what they just did experienced.
- What should you put in your online dating profile… (good question, am I right!)
- Don’t write a shopping list – no one wants to have to tick off everything you have put down on a shopping list, they aren’t groceries! Show your personality – such as – ‘my best friend is my sister, she means the world to me’. This shows your love for people. Show people who you are, don’t tell them who you are. (eg Male profile I have encountered: don’t say – Sexy, hot male looking for a friend with benefits or someone to cook me a meal.. – MATE, I am sooo off you and I don’t even know you!)
- Talk about things you want, not about things you don’t want. If you say ‘Don’t want a man who doesn’t appreciate a working woman’ it gives a hint that you have been previously jaded by this exact thing. Don’t showcase your previous wounds, you will only attract predators!
- Talk about anything that allows you to project your ‘unique pairing’ ability for your future relationship. For instance, your pictures might be a mixture of you doing all the things you love, including dressed up on a night out, or casual, etc. And your paragraph may say that you enjoy heading out for fun with friends, however also like a ‘night in’ watching old sci-fi movies, wearing your 90’s band t-shirts with a bowl of vanilla ice cream and chocolate ice magic…(not me, but if you are this person, use it and thank me when you find your unique pairing relationship!)