Bogans out – new image sought

March 2, 2016

We don't want to end up with a bee situation: Bogans dying off

De-bogan drivers apply here

Definition: bogan

noun / Australian/NZ informal derogatory
1. an uncouth or unsophisticated person, regarded as being of low social status.
“some bogans yelled at us from their cars”

If you’re not a motoring enthusiast you may not have heard the news that Holden want to “de-bogan” their image. Apparently they want to appeal to a “modern Australia” by pursuing buyers of Chinese and Indian heritage.

The article went on to say there was a top secret meeting of car dealers last week where Holden advised they want to “realign” (aka change completely) their brand so they can attract a broader range of customers/buyers as hardly anybody is buying them now.

This in itself is funny because Holden isn’t even Australian – it’s owned by US company General Motors.

Where ‘de-boganing’ began

But let’s just go back to the concept of “de-boganing”. How do you do that? And if you can, should you just limit it to the Holden? OR has society’s eco-balance become so fragile the removal of one human species would discombobulate us the way it does in nature?

We don’t want to end up with another bee situation. (You know, the bee population is dying off at an increasingly rapid rate. They are critical in the production of fruit and vege and Albert Einstein who was WAY SMART said “Mankind will not survive the honey bees disappearance for more than five years.”)

Potential loss to society

So what would society lose if the bogans vanished by fair means or foul?

  • Countless reality TV shows would suffer untold losses of talent;
  • What about all the jewellers who would go out of business with nobody to buy their thick gold man-chains?
  • What about the ridicule that won’t be inflicted in the school yard on kids no longer called Mersaydees, Shadeaux and Zaiden?

Today’s Bogan

According the very informative and hilarious website set up by a bunch of blokes in Melbourne, “Things Bogans Like” what being a bogan today is all about has evolved considerably.

The Bogan today defies income, class, race, creed, gender and logic. The Bogan is defined by what it does, what it says and, most importantly, what it buys. The Bogan is no mere ‘tradie’. Even if tradies remained low-income workers, many Bogans are affluent. And they set themselves apart by their efforts to stand out by conforming as furiously, and conspicuously, as possible.

Visions of a Bogan-less society

How would we benefit from a Bogan-less society? Remember in 2013 when Palmer United Party MP Alex Douglas was busted sending an email saying voters are “Bogans living empty lives”. His response – a stroke of genius – said ‘There is “a little bit of Bogan in all of us”’ and then the mighty Clive Palmer, that twerking maniac, said HE was a Bogan too!

C-Palm said he had an affection for Bogans and had spent most of his life as a Bogan. Really? I wonder what the rest of the Bogan community made of that. Hmmm.

If removing Bogans meant getting rid of Clive I say nay Dear Reader – things would be too boring.

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