The Naked (Un)Truth

August 11, 2016

If aliens landed on Earth and saw this show they’d just keep going on the grounds there was no intelligent life on our planet

Have you noticed there seems to be a lot of people getting their kit off these days? I couldn’t sleep the other night and was flicking through the channels when I stumbled upon this train wreck of show called Dating Naked.

Can you think of anything more revolting than this? As if dating isn’t awkward enough, imagine doing it naked on television!

What a tragic reflection of how low the bar is now set with reality TV. And whose reality is this? Not mine, thank God. Who in their right mind goes on this show? It’s now up to its third season so it’s clearly got an audience.

Mercifully, the contestant’s private parts are pixilated, because that’s make it soooooo much more palatable.

If I want to cop an eyeful of gratuitous nudity I just watch SBS. It’s the moronic behaviour on Dating Naked that offends me. Surely they are on some kind of medication – you’d have to be wouldn’t you?

I did some research on this show and read one review that said it “push[es] the boundaries of courtship and creatively expand[s] the list of activities you can do in the nude,” but also criticised the show’s pool scenes for being too revealing. I’m sorry, the pool scenes were too revealing, on a show called Dating Naked?

If aliens landed on Earth and saw this show they’d just keep going on the grounds there was no intelligent life on our planet.

Nudists on the balcony

My former next door neighbour was German and his parents were nudists. They came out every year from Dresden to visit him and would sit on his balcony, which was parallel to mine, starkers except for their socks and sandals.

Lovely people Fritz and Marta and lifelong nudists who took their four children to communal nudist parks and on family FKK* holidays in Deutschland.

Now, Dear Reader, I am no wowser. I love getting my gear off in the right circumstances but the thought of going on holiday with my family naked is too horrific to contemplate. I can barely survive when we’re clothed to be honest.

Nudism under threat in Australia

Maybe I need to lighten up because apparently nudism is under threat with the Australian Naturist Federation last year advising that numbers have fallen from its peak in the 1960s and ’70s. Back then it had about 10,000 members, which has decreased to about 3000 members now, but it estimates that about nine per cent of the adult population has indulged in some form of naturism.

Can you imagine the campaign to increase in membership? Struth! Apparently the problem is they’re not attracting enough young people to nudism. What’s the answer to that conundrum?

Perhaps they could offer incentives to young people to go on exchange to a European country where nudism is popular? I’m sure I don’t know. If you have any thought I’m sure the ANF would be happy to hear them.

 *FKK means Frei Körper Kultur, or the enjoyment or healthiness of being nude.

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Alexandria Bernard
With a successful 20+ year career in media and communications, Alex’s media portfolio includes contracts as a radio and television presenter (612 ABC, 4BC, Channel 9 and Network Ten) and as a feature writer for bmag and Brisbane Times.

Alex's voice and face may be familiar to you from her voiceover and television commercial work. She has been featured in national radio and TV advertising campaigns, corporate videos and has been a regular MC for major events.