I was divorced three years ago and I’ve been dating a LOT. I was with my ex for ten years, and now I meet these other guys and can’t imagine getting serious with any of them, let alone marrying them. But at the same time I’m scared of being alone for the rest of my life. What do you think I should do to meet someone? Tammy x
Hi Tammy, Beyond giving you general advice here, I have 100% been in your situation. When I broke up with my ex, I dated for five years and was almost frantically trying to meet people, but none of them really floated my boat. I finally decided that I was never going to love anyone enough to get married again, and therefore I decided to stop trying. I was putting together a cabaret show at the time and decided to learn to play the piano so that I could do my own accompaniment. It seems like the moment I threw myself into learning the piano, that of course I met a charming young man who had that ‘x factor’ I’d been hoping for, and we were engaged within six weeks!
If you focus on being your fabulous self – do some self-development, take some classes like art, dancing, languages or whatever you fancy – you’ll come across as more confident, more in touch with who you are and what you want. As soon as you do this, you’ll attract the right person into your life.
Some people also get coaching through this period, where they build their self-esteem, set personal goals, remove any limiting beliefs they may have about the love they feel they ‘deserve’ and create the type of person they’d like to attract in their life. So if you want more support like this, please let me know!
I feel like men only want one thing and aren’t interested in taking it slow. Am I getting old and boring?
No! I love the idea of taking it slow. I haven’t always been a perfect angel (sorry, Mum) but I believe in going back to the idea we used to have of ‘courting’. Dating… Flirting… Getting to know someone on a deeper level before jumping into bed with them. There’s a lot to be said for withholding for as long as you can before getting intimate – because you can never get that time of ‘innocence’ back in your relationship.
When I was dating, I adopted a ‘Ten Date Rule’, where I would go on ten dates with someone before having alone time (this means you don’t go to each other’s houses, for example). I wouldn’t tell the guys this, otherwise they could see it as a challenge. I just wanted to take the time to explore what a relationship with someone would be like before things went too far and became more difficult, awkward or upsetting to end. It was surprising how many guys lost interest when they learned that I wasn’t going to go home with them on date one or two. They would disappear almost immediately. I could have been upset, but I was usually relieved because we saved each other a lot of time!
Stick to your guns and the right man will present himself at just the right time. Probably soon after you decide that all men are bastards and are ready to enter a convent. Good luck!