Pooping Anxiety…It’s A Thing

January 15, 2020

In this day and age where everything seems to create a wave of anxiety, surely there are some specific things in our lives we can eradicate from potential anxiety levels. There are things in this world we can all agree that we do the same. We all blink our eyes to make sure they stay lubricated, we all eat food to stay alive.. which brings us to a taboo topic which seems to make people really uncomfortable… POOPING. That is correct, we ALL get rid of the food we eat through the form of either sitting on a toilet, excreting into a stoma bag, etc. Every single one of us drops the kids off at the pool, unleashes the brown bear, drops a deuce, studies the bristol stool chart, drops a funny in the dunny, poops, shits… has a bowel movement. COME ON GUYS…. we all do it, so why the anxiety around it?

The reason I write about this is because I read this article the other day which made me LOL – the tag line was ‘Can’t Poo Around Your Boo? and it made me recall all the times I have spoken to my friends about their fears of having a bowel movement in front of their boyfriends or at their boyfriend’s houses. Now, this is just silly. We can’t possibly think that our significant others think we don’t poop. COME ON GUYS… (I feel like I am going to be saying this a few times in this article) if your boyfriend is telling you he doesn’t think girls poo, be gone of that bad spirit. He does not deserve your normal, metabolising body that is naturally processing waste in the form of poop.

I had a friend back when I was 18 who was dating a guy that flat out told her ‘girls don’t poo’. He didn’t say that once, he said it many times. It got her so worked up and anxious that one day she rang me at 6 am in the morning after a big night out (we had literally only just finished dancing on the nightclub’s dancefloor about 2 hours earlier) to come and pick her up because she needed to do an AGB (after grog bog, we have all been there…they are not ok) and couldn’t do it at his house. The fear in my friend’s voice was so real, she was worked up and nearly crying! I drove so fast over there thinking of how I would be feeling if I needed to drop the kids off at the pool. When I arrived, there she was pacing in the front yard looking pale. She jumped in the car…. I had to drive like she was pregnant, bumps were not her friend. We ended up pulling into a Macca’s just down the road and she punished the porcelain. I remember thinking… she literally just pooped in a Macca’s toilet with about 5 other strangers listening yet she couldn’t do it at her boyfriends… that is so wrong! She ended up dating that guy for another year and not once did she have a bowel movement in his company or at his place. Good riddance to that ridiculous man! 

I then have another friend who is so fine with pooping… so fine. She has the fastest moving bowels in the West..ern Suburbs of Brisbane! She exercises a lot and plans her runs to ensure there is a toilet on the way or during her runs as long-distance running and pooping go hand in hand. The poor thing always used to get tagged in any poo jogger stories as she has had a couple of incidences in her time, of which I won’t mention…ok I will allude to it.. it was never in someone’s driveway anyway, it was always on Mt Cootha or in bushland… so nothing totally gross! She was never afraid to talk about poop during dates or with her boyfriends. It was a topic of conversation for her because it happened so often. I recall one time she went on a holiday with her new boyfriend and they both got terrible gastro, they were obviously sharing a hotel room and this meant a bathroom. To say they both got to know each other really well that holiday was an understatement. They were both sharing the bathroom at the same time ‘Bridesmaids style’. And if you don’t know what that means, let’s just say the toilet, shower and sink were all being used at the same time. Not something you want to think about. Anyway, they aren’t together anymore… that could have proved too much for their relationship… you can’t unsee that.

Ok, so the point of me writing this is… I actually don’t know, except for COME ON GUYS… we all poop. Just embrace it! Don’t be that person that has to wait until they get home to drop a log. Just do it wherever you are! Use the facilities that are available to you. Don’t be anxious over something that we all do. The article from The Greatist went through some steps you can take to overcome the anxiety…give them a read if you are a nervous pooper, however, they are only for overcoming the fear of pooping at your boyfriend’s place. Otherwise, just get on board the poop train guys…. poop at a party if you want, poop at your boyfriends if you need to… just do it. No one is judging you unless you shit everywhere and don’t clean it up… don’t be that person that leaves skids on the toilet…that is not ok!

Embrace the bowel movements… don’t hold onto it…FACT, if you hold on it will reabsorb into your body and live on in your colon, dangerous! Get yourself some Aesop’s Post Poo Drops, carry them around with you! It’s waste that your body doesn’t need anymore, it deserves to be flushed out of your system. Give it the chance to go on the best water slide it will ever see!

First piece of writing for 2020…and it’s based on poop…the only way is up from here! 

#notsponsored #justcaringforyourbowels #everyonedoesit #poopataparty