I recently started a new job. I was told on my first day that I can expect to gain a lot of weight. No I don’t work for a patisserie serving up delicious vanilla slice. I don’t work for a fast food chain either. In fact, my job is not related to food at all.
I work for a large organisation. My department alone has 140 employees. The ratio of women to men is approximately 70:30. The ratio I just stated is why it is expected my girth will widen. To explain further, I give you two words: morning tea.
Why it keeps coming …
A department of 140 people regularly has people leaving. Not because they’re unhappy (so far my impression is that I’m part of a cohesive, supportive and fun department) but because of natural attrition. Guess what happens when someone leaves. We have a morning tea.
Back to the aforementioned women to men ration. At any given time, there are at least a half dozen pregnant women. What do we do when an expectant mum works her last day before starting maternity leave? We have a morning tea.
Let’s not forget that horrible phenomenon that occurs annually without fail – we get a year older. What happens when any of the 140 odd people in my department have to endure that depressing anniversary? We have a morning tea.
These morning teas are awash with the typical fare: cakes, biscuits, cheese and crackers, chips, dips and the obligatory cobb – you know where the middle is hollowed out and delicious, creamy based things are put in. There’s not a nasty carrot or celery stick in sight.
Working with men … not a cake in sight
My previous employment was predominantly in a male dominated field. We all of course had birthdays but it was a business as usual affair. When someone left, we slapped them on the back and wished them well. I even “enjoyed” two pregnancies through those years.
On each of my last working days before I started my year in hell (sorry, I of course mean maternal bliss), the boys I worked with would throw a ‘do’ complete with copious amounts of beer (no, I didn’t drink any) and some poor, blushing newbie would have the arduous task of presenting me with a servo purchased bunch of flowers and wishing me well.
In the interests of staving off diabetes and clogged arteries, I give the following verdict:
Morning tea – 0;
Servo flowers – 1.
Got to go, the cake’s just arrived.
Mexican J.P. Combe has been proud to call Brisbane home for the past 15 years. Her hobbies are reading and drinking wine (preferably at the same time). She has the uncanny ability to make all things electronic stop working and frequently deletes things she didn’t mean to. When J.P’s not cursing technology, she can be found cooking unpalatable meals for her long suffering husband (the dog doesn’t mind) or helping their kids with homework – aka the blind leading the blind.
J.P’s debut novel was released earlier this year.