Been Burned In A Relationship? How To Move Past The Anxiety

According to Elizabeth Jane, relationship anxiety is an increasingly common problem and one which can be difficult to overcome, however there are things people can do to help themselves manage this issue.

Elizabeth Jane, respected wellbeing and mindfulness keynote speaker, relationships’ coach and mentor, celebrated artist and author of Amazon best-seller ‘Free and First – Unlocking Your Ultimate Life’, shares some tips to help people overcome relationship anxiety.

Jane experienced a sudden and traumatic divorce after 25 years of marriage and during her difficult and life changing journey of rebuilding her life and finding her new path, she journalled the process translating her insights and learnings into a highly sought-after self-help book.

Jane now speaks all over the world and shares her insights and tools on how to survive and overcome difficult and challenging life experiences as well as how to find joy, and in the process, rediscover yourself.

“Many people walk away from relationships feeling hurt and broken. Sadly, this is very common. This pain and trauma can travel with you into new relationships. Relationship anxiety can manifest in various ways, including fear of abandonment, insecurity, jealousy and constant worrying about the relationship’s future,” Jane said.

“Overcoming relationship anxiety often involves a combination of self-reflection, communication with your partner and adopting healthy coping strategies.”

Jane has outlined some tools and tips to help people overcome relationship anxiety and empower their relationships.

Feel into and identify triggers

“Journal your feelings.  This can help you to identify triggers and patterns, which in turn will help you to understand what may be activating your anxiety.”

“Reflect on what specific situations or thoughts trigger your anxiety in the relationship. Identifying and understanding your triggers can help you address them more effectively,” Jane said.

Challenge negative thoughts

“Challenge negative or irrational thoughts that fuel your relationship anxiety. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support these thoughts and consider more balanced and realistic perspectives,” Jane said.

“Surround yourself with positive and supportive friends who are able to help you gain a balanced understanding of the situation.”

Prioritise self-care

“Take care of your physical, emotional and mental well-being by engaging in activities that nourish and rejuvenate you. Prioritise self-care practices such as exercise, meditation, hobbies and spending time with supportive friends and family members,” Jane said.

“Hobbies and creative activities are wonderful for the mind and our overall wellbeing especially when undertaken mindfully and help to build self-worth and confidence so as you are more likely to speak up about matters that bother you.”

Set boundaries

Establish clear boundaries in your relationship to ensure that both you and your partner feel respected and valued. Boundaries help alleviate anxiety by providing a sense of predictability and stability where both parties feel safe,” Jane said.

Communicate your feelings

“Talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns in a calm and non-confrontational manner,” Jane said.

“Sharing your fears and anxieties with them with open, authentic communication and understanding from both sides, builds the intimacy of the relationship.”

Address underlying issues

“Explore any underlying issues or past experiences that may be contributing to your relationship anxiety. Consider seeking therapy or counselling to work through these issues and develop healthier coping mechanisms,” Jane added.

Practice self-compassion

“Be kind to yourself and recognise that it’s normal to experience doubts and insecurities in relationships. Practise self-compassion by treating yourself with understanding and acceptance,” Jane said.

“It is natural to experience feelings of anxiety if you have encountered issues in a previous relationship.”

Focus on the present

“Instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on past experiences, focus on the present moment in your relationship. Practise mindfulness techniques to stay grounded and fully engage with your partner,” Jane said.

“Tune in and listen to TODAY FM, this is life’s radio station that keeps us in the now rather than allowing our mind to look backwards and continue to wallow in the past or worry about the future.”

Talk with someone

“If your relationship anxiety persists despite your efforts to manage it, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor who specialises in relationship issues. Therapy can provide you with additional support, guidance and tools to overcome anxiety and improve your relationship,” Jane said.

Practise patience

“Overcoming relationship anxiety is a process that takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work together to build trust, communication and mutual understanding,” Jane said.

Jane emphasises that overcoming relationship anxiety is a journey and progress may come gradually. Don’t forget to acknowledge and reward yourself for this progress. “As you take proactive steps to address your anxiety and strengthen the relationship that you have with yourself, greater trust, security and fulfillment can be cultivated in your romantic partnership.”