Valium & Pinot Grigio Aren’t A Good Mix…

February 11, 2019

Soooo let’s get back to the dating game, shall we. It’s nearly Valentine’s Day and I am going to be that single girl sitting on the couch with my dog again! Totally OK with that, as long as MAFS is on and I have ice cream in my freezer. Shows like Married At First Sight are real life, the crazy people that enter these shows are actually out there in real life as well…except in this story I am the crazy!

Recapping from my last article, I mentioned I had perhaps had 5 x wines prior to arriving at the bar I was supposed to be meeting my date. Well, that is absolutely true. I will not deny that. It’s really not a great story. After the last date I had gone on with ‘Mr Polyamorous’ the need for 5 x wines and a valium was real.

The worst thing about telling this story is that everything is totally my fault… The guy was really good looking, had a great job, my age, not a weirdo and had mutual friends (well, as per Facebook stalking was concerned). I was so nervous that I had possibly found a normal man and obviously a bit jaded from the last guy wanting me to be his 6th wife that I drowned my anxiety and nerves by taking a valium (totally prescription that was given by my GP), however, I may have washed it down with a pinot grigio while choosing what dress to wear. When I say washed it down, I mean with a whole bottle…in an hour, prior to a 7:00pm date.

I rocked up to that local bar without any inhibitions and felt like I was ready to take on the world. The only problem was, I rocked up to the wrong bar.

I make myself a rule with online dating that I don’t give out my mobile number until at least the second date, I contact them through the app and then when I feel comfortable that they aren’t a stalking murderer I pass on my mobile number. This is good advice guys…take it on board.

I sat at the WRONG bar for a good half hour and had another wine, before checking my app to see that my date had messaged to say he was there as well… for the life of me I couldn’t see him. Obviously not only was I blind… but I was BLIND! I asked the guy behind the bar if he could see the guy in the picture I had on my phone and he answered with a, ‘nope there are literally only 5 people in here and at the moment they’re all girls so for your sake I am hoping that your date hasn’t totally catfished you or you are a lesbian’ ….FFS!

I went back through my messages to realise in my flurry of being late, drunk and relaxed AF, I had totally gone to the wrong place! I apologised to my date and said I had gone to the wrong bar and will be at the right bar in 20 mins. I arrive at the right bar, and there he was sitting waiting – he waited for at least an hour… I made an entrance to say the least, I literally tripped over my own maxi dress (it was always a hazardous dress, I don’t know why I chose it), kicked my chair as I went to sit down which made a huge sound and said thanks ‘dude’ to the girl who seated me, who just so happened to have a really short haircut and I mistook for a man.

I tried to sober up really fast but it just didn’t work, I blame the valium. And the worst thing about the situation. He didn’t talk… conversation was like pulling teeth. I don’t know if that is because he was pissed off at me? Or he wasn’t a big talker? Or I was just that little bit too much inebriated that I made all the conversation and enjoyed my own company that much I can’t remember if he spoke or not.

Needless to say, I don’t remember much of the date. I think I must have had great chat… LOL! What I do remember is us going our separate ways at the end of the date at the bar and me then waking up on the couch at about midnight with an empty maccas wrapper next to me wondering what I had ordered… I obviously wasn’t interested about the date. I knew I just needed to let that one go through to the keeper and laugh about it… in a couple of days.

Two months later I went online and checked Facebook to see what he was doing… he had a girlfriend. She looked lovely, a lot skinnier than me, which is fine…(obviously hadn’t woken up lately with an empty maccas wrapper next to her wondering what she ordered), and from the deep delving of the stalking they were going on hikes together and doing a lot of adventure activities together.

I mean really, I dodged a bullet. Nature and hiking isn’t my thing. Don’t get me wrong, give me the beach any day…but then make sure the wine is on ice for when we get home and we don’t have to hike to get to the beach.

A note to self for all future dates I then went on… don’t take a valium and drink a bottle of pinot grigio… it doesn’t mix well. Also, ask for an itemised maccas receipt so you know what you ate when you need to put your calories into your My Fitness Pal app!

Next dating story… let’s talk about DM’s – oh it’s a good one. The old…’sliding into your DM’s’ happened to me and I got GOD DAMN TOO EXCITED… until next article my dating friends.

PS – download the latest dating app, it’s called Hinge. I mean, it’s free and there are still crazy peeps on it, but who cares really. Just another app to sieve through, lonely on your couch… laugh out loud at that one girls, you know it’s you!

Amanda Goddard
When Amanda walks into a room you will most probably hear her before you see her and then when you see her you will understand why she is Larger Than Life! Commentating on life around her as a larger gal, Amanda always looks at the funny side of life and will always stir the pot or ask the questions no one wants to answer...

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