An Age-Old Problem

February 6, 2019

Did you hear about that Dutch man who late last year tried to legally change his age, which in a huge shock to nobody, was rejected by the court?

Talk about Freaky Deaky Dutch. So many questions – where do I begin?

Why go to court? This guy seems to fall into the category of people wanting to marry their car/computer/a dolphin… (all of which happened by the way).

Why not just do what women have been doing for thousands of years and lie about your age? I do it frequently. For example, last birthday I celebrated my 41st birthday for the third time. I did actually forget what my real age was a couple of years ago and my best friend had to tell my I was in fact a year younger than I thought I was.

SIDEBAR: I went to funeral last year and nobody knew the real age of the Dearly Departed as she fibbed about it for the last fifty years. Good for her.

I can’t even tell how old anyone is anymore thanks to people aged from 22 to 72 having Botox and other procedures. You’ll be able to get a full facelift in your lunch hour soon.

Performing artists have been shaving years off their age since the studio system was first founded. It was usually at the insistence of their agent/publicist to appeal to a certain audience. Apparently, nobody ever knew Joan Crawford’s real age and in 2003 rapper Nelly was named on a “Hottest Stars Under 25” list which was awkward as he was 28 at the time.

There are exceptions to this rule like Laurence Fishburne, who was only 14 years old when he won a coveted role in Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now, his character was meant to be 17-year-old Tyron Miller, so he stretched the truth and said he was 16. But who wouldn’t want to act alongside Marlon Brando in a movie directed by Coppola? Unfortunately, he got busted and Fishburne’s dad ended up flying to the set in the Philippines to discipline his unruly son, who unsurprisingly, was acting like a bratty 14-year-old. Of course, Apocalypse Now was such a shit-show behind the scenes filming took so long that by the time it wrapped, Fishburne really was 17 years old.

Along with countless other young men in many theatres of war, Walt Disney tried to join the army to fight in World War I, but he was rejected for being too young. After forging the date of birth on his birth certificate to 1900, he joined the Red Cross in September 1918 as an ambulance driver.

Thanks to the internet, is getting harder for people in any kind of public role to lie about their age, (or anything ANDREW BROAD – eeeeeeeyyyyyyyyeeeeeeewwwww, seriously was that guy ON CRACK??) not that there should be any real need for it anymore. Mind you, look at all the fuss France’s First Lady who is 25 years old than her husband. I would like to point out that Melania Trump is 25 years younger than her husband, but have you EVER read a story about that? No.

We know that with our aging population people want to stay in the workforce longer – or at least have the option to if they want, and we know that age discrimination is something that is affecting people.

But NOT this Dutch guy as it turns out! Sensibly rejected by the court, who found he did not suffer from age discrimination, he reckons he’s going to appeal on the grounds its no different to changing your name or gender (ahhh it totally is!).

I’m a big believer that age is just a number, I think it’s how you feel that matters. People are often surprised when I tell them how old I am (or how old I think I am) and it’s not because I look youthful (I wish!) I think it’s because of my level of maturity – or lack thereof. My ex Partner’s grandmother, who is 97 is a few days and STILL plays Bridge, is in the Needlework club and up until last year played bowls always told me to try and find something to laugh about everyday and it will keep you young. It seems to be working so far.