Cat The Cupid

How do I tell a good friend that I feel she is too opinionated at the expense of not listening to others?

It sounds like you love your friend and feel that she isn’t aware of the negative impact she has on others. Most of us are pretty unaware of our shortcomings and it can be hard to hear the truth. However, sometimes these hurtful truth bombs are the best thing that can ever happen to us.

Having said that, we also have to be careful that we don’t waltz around putting our ‘map’ of the world on others – that is, believing that they should think, behave, and live their lives as we do.

But if you feel that this is really an issue and it would help her personal growth, then wait for an opportunity when you witness a particular situation because it’s always easier to refer to something which has just happened. Ask her later how she felt about the scenario – like “I noticed you talking to Katie about her job and she was getting a bit upset. I’m curious to know your thoughts about her reaction.” Let her talk and see if it opens up an opportunity to gently explore the topic. Focus on being loving, respectful, and helpful. Comments like “I wonder what Katie is going through that she reacted that way?” or “I wonder if she would have responded better to another way of expressing your opinion on that?” In coaching, we learn many ways of asking questions which don’t attack or accuse – and these are just a few. Think about how to ask curious questions rather than just give her your own opinion of her behaviour (which is what you think people don’t like about her!) and see how you go. Remember to do it with love.

When I asked my partner of 1 year if he misses being single he responded with “Not a whole lot”. I’m not sold on this response or am I reading into it too much?

Without knowing how your relationship is travelling, and what kind of personalities you both have, it’s difficult to know… Men typically don’t overanalyse words like we do, and it’s entirely possible this was just one of those comments where he didn’t really know what to say. Perhaps you react in a certain way to things and he doesn’t want to open up an argument…?

I think it’s fair to say for most of us that there are certain things we miss about being single. You never have the thrill of a new love, a first date, or a first kiss again. But on the balance, you get all the wonderful things involved in a long term, committed relationship. He possibly didn’t want to hurt your feelings by even suggesting he misses these things because he loves you and is happy together, but he also didn’t give you an emphatic “No, not at all,” because he wasn’t really prepared for the question.

If you guys feel right together and things are generally travelling well, I’m sure you have nothing to worry about… But then I throw this back to you – why did you ask the question? Are you a ‘Words of Affirmation’ person (like me) and you just need to hear reassuring things sometimes? Or were you concerned he was acting in a way which suggested he missed his single days? I suggest you look at why you REALLY asked and go from there! Good luck!

My dad is very protective and hasn’t made an effort to get to know my boyfriend of over three years. It’s causing problems between my relationship with my boyfriend and I and also between my dad and I. I am starting to resent my dad for causing so many issues. How can I get my dad to start seeing my boyfriend seriously?

Being a parent is so hard sometimes. I am not looking forward to the day when my son brings home a girl! But it’s something we need to face up to, and after three years, it’s well past the time your dad may need to get on board. Before I get into suggestions though, I do need to ask what you feel your dad has a problem with? Have you and your boyfriend had dramas? Has he treated you with respect? Have you had a rocky relationship or are going through anything which might concern your dad? If so, it is still of course your life and your journey – and your dad will need to let you make your own decisions and your own mistakes – but it won’t be easy because he wants the best for his baby girl.

If none of the above are the case, and it’s just your dad being resistant for no apparent reason – my best suggestion is to sit down with him for a heart to heart about your relationship, why his approval means so much to you, and how his fractured relationship with your man is causing issues for you. If your boyfriend is willing to sit down with the both of you (or even man-to-man), that might also go a long way to building their relationship. Just ensure you both approach it with love, respect, and a cool, calm head. If you go into it with the spirit of building a relationship between them, rather than attacking your dad for his attitude, it is much more likely to end in success! Baby steps… I look forward to hearing how you go. Email me!

How do I tell a good friend that I feel she is too opinionated at the expense of not listening to others.

It sounds like you love your friend and feel that she isn’t aware of the negative impact she has on others. Most of us are pretty unaware of our shortcomings and it can be hard to hear the truth. However, sometimes these hurtful truth bombs are the best thing that can ever happen to us.

Having said that, we also have to be careful that we don’t waltz around putting our ‘map’ of the world on others – that is, believing that they should think, behave, and live their lives as we do.

But if you feel that this is really an issue and it would help her personal growth, then wait for an opportunity when you witness a particular situation because it’s always easier to refer to something which has just happened. Ask her later how she felt about the scenario – like “I noticed you talking to Katie about her job and she was getting a bit upset. I’m curious to know your thoughts about her reaction.” Let her talk and see if it opens up an opportunity to gently explore the topic. Focus on being loving, respectful, and helpful. Comments like “I wonder what Katie is going through that she reacted that way?” or “I wonder if she would have responded better to another way of expressing your opinion on that?” In coaching, we learn many ways of asking questions which don’t attack or accuse – and these are just a few. Think about how to ask curious questions rather than just give her your own opinion of her behaviour (which is what you think people don’t like about her!) and see how you go. Remember to do it with love.