I did my first Pilates class last week. After years of being just fabulous, I decided I needed to be fabulous and toned. I always thought core strength was being able to say no to three servings of my sister’s sour cream apple slice… but apparently not!
My first class breakdown:
Five minutes: I whizzed through the first five minutes of the class, thinking what a breeze, ha!
Six minute mark: this took me by surprise – hmm, starting to feel a bit tired;
Minute seven: a tear drop of sweat escaped my brow;
Minute 11: my curly hair had drooped into gentle waves …
Minute 18: I fortified myself knowing that Pilates would allow me to be modelling internationally within two months;
Minute 23: my wavy hair had only a slight kink left in it;
Minute 29: my previous tear drop of sweat had turned into waterfall of real tears!
At minute 39 my hair had gone completely straight.
Minute 42 saw my ‘fit as a fiddle’ instructor finally catch a glimpse of my face and fighting back a look of horror, gently suggested that was enough for today.
So girls, never underestimate the power of vanity – a desire for a flat stomach (and modelling internationally), because I came back. Yes, I was there the week after to do it all again.
Pilates take two
For crying in a bucket, did I not learn my lesson last week? Apparently not because on Monday afternoon I returned to the dungeon of dread to do Pilates 101, with an instructor who only weighs 101 pounds … oh happy, happy, joy, joy.
To stop my hair from de-curling, I created two Heidi plaits and rolled them into a bun either side of my head. Sure I look like Princess Leia after a big night out with Hans Solo but my crowning glory is at risk here!
Let me tell you, just like a bikini wax, Pilates is no less painful the second time.
The Pilates ball is handed to me and I think ‘how cute, a beach ball with bounce’. Little did I realise I had to bounce my stomach on it, whilst stretching my arms and legs out like a starfish.
After the starfish I had to do the ‘bug’ and the ‘frog’, when all I wanted to do was the ‘sleep’, the ‘cupcake’ and the ‘merlot’.
Thus, I can report that the catwalks of the modelling world are safe. I have come to the conclusion that maybe my international modelling career will be with model aeroplanes and Pilates may have to take flight.
Jo Ann Hanley is a comedic writer and Public Servant – both happily feed each other.
In 2012, Jo Ann with Christine Hanley, co-wrote and published a book “2001 A Washing Odyssey” which is a comical look at washing.