Frankenstein Syndrome

February 1, 2018

I saw something really strange the other day. I was going for a walk and stopped to talk to/pat this dog and – how can I put this? – the dog LOOKED LIKE A FREAK SHOW! Now Dear Reader, I firmly believe that All God’s Creatures are beautiful, even the weird looking ones, and as I’ve previously said in this column, I much prefer dogs to humans BUT this one was…well…Man he was wacky to say the least.

I said to the owner “Ahhh wow! He’s unusual isn’t he?” Owner: “Yep, yep, he’s special alright,” clearly used to people commenting on his dog’s unconventional appearance. Me: “So, what is he exactly?” Owner: “So he’s part beagle and part French bulldog and a bit of something else in there…yeah we’re not really sure what else he is.” Me: “Mmmmm mmmm, is that why his ears….” Owner: “Stick out like aeroplane wings? Yes.” Poor dog. He looked like a young Prince Charles.

This dog, like pretty much everything else in society these days, is falling victim to what I like to call “Frankensteining.” Just because we CAN build/create/breed/cook/produce a thing, does that mean we should?

Point in case: Crocodile Dundee 4. WHY? WHY? DEAR GOD WHY? And have you seen the Tool who is allegedly starring in it? There’s a lot of conjecture that it’s actually an elaborate prank for the Superbowl or something. Let’s hope so! Because the trailer looks woeful.

I was in a nearby suburb the other day and saw a new restaurant has popped up. It’s a Mexican-Indian combo… now don’t get me wrong I hope they’re a smashing success as I love both Indian and Mexican food but do they belong together and how long will their lifespan be? Surely it’s like any trend – it will come and go.

Another thing the world does NOT need is some hideous thing called Crossushi. Regular readers of my column will know I’m a doughnut addict. Have been since I was about seven years of age. I’m also a purist. I like them fresh out of the deep fryer and smothered in a cinnamon/sugar combo. I don’t really go for the Krispy Kreme or the Donut Time fancy varieties – I like to keep it simple. I also understand the appeal of the Cronut. I feel it’s like what the Big Bash is to Test cricket – a variation on a classic that appeals to the masses.

But back to this atrocity known as Crossushi, now that’s just going too far. Created in an LA bakery (of course) this thing, which they also call a ‘California Croissant’, has stuffed fish wrapped in seaweed in the middle of a buttery pastry. BBBBLLLLLEEERRRRKKKKKKK! The creative geniuses behind it were (and I’m quoting here) “pastry chefs who get easily bored”. Is thing still going to be around in another five years? Doubtful.

I’m big believer in doing what you want in life – within reason – but we could probably afford to be more a bit more lion and a bit less sheep. Just because we can, inexplicably, wear legwarmers on our arms (as they did on some catwalk walk in Europe two years ago) doesn’t mean we should, unless you happen to be starring in a production of My Fair Lady as Eliza Doolittle.

In summing up I think it’s good to experiment but recognise when things are created that will damage humanity. And by this I mean Russell Crowe and his band.

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