How To Spot A Misogynist

Misogyny is stubborn

Acclaimed Australian literary author, Tim Winton was recently interviewed on the ABC and expressed his concern on misogyny. He still hears things today, in particular from young boys, that three or even five generations ago would be saying. It shouldn’t be happening and hasn’t change that much.

He is, if not amazed, then disappointed, “how resilient some of these tropes are, some of these ways of seeing the world and also ways of seeing girls and women are in particular”. He referred to it as “really stubborn and ingrained”. Unfortunately they are learned attitudes and beliefs and may not even realise they are like this. It starts in the family and they only repeat things they have learned from home and in the school yard and it is “incumbent to parents, schools and the broader culture to show them other ways to adulthood”.

12 typical traits of the misogynist

Misogynists are plentiful and I have met a few of these men over the years. Unfortunately trial and error has been my teacher and awareness my guide.

Berit Brogaard author of On Romantic Love stated  “men who hate women many not consciously realise it, but their actions reveal them”. Mostly, they don’t even know they hate women as typically it is an unconscious trait formed from an early life, planted deep in their brain. They are hard to spot and can even come across as pro-woman.

1. He will zero in on a woman and choose her as his target. Her natural defences may be down because he’s flirtatious, exciting, fun, and charismatic at first.

2. As time goes on, he begins to reveal a Jekyll & Hyde personality. He may change quickly from irresistible to rude, and from rude back to irresistible.

3. He will make promises to women and often fail to keep them. With men, on the other hand, he will almost always keep his word.

4. He will be late for appointments and dates with women, but be quite punctual with men.

5. His behaviour toward women in general is grandiose, cocky, controlling, and self-centred.

6. He is extremely competitive, especially with women. If a woman does better than him socially or professionally, he feels terrible. If a man does better, he may have mixed feelings about it but he is able to look at the situation objectively.

7. He will unknowingly treat women differently from men in workplace and social settings, allowing men various liberties for which he will criticise female colleagues or friends.

8. He will be prepared (unconsciously) to use anything within his power to make women feel miserable. He may demand sex or withhold sex in his relationships, make jokes about women or put them down in public, “borrow” their ideas in professional contexts without giving them credit, or borrow money from them without paying them back.

9. On a date, he will treat a woman the opposite of how she prefers. If she is an old-style lady who prefers a “gentleman” who holds the door for her, orders for both and pays for the meal, he will treat her like one of his male buddies, order for himself, and let her pay for the whole meal if she offers (and sometimes even if she doesn’t). If she is a more independent type who prefers to order her own meal and pay for herself, he will rudely order for both and pay the bill while she goes to the bathroom.

10. Sexually, he likes to control women and gives little or no attention to their sexual pleasure. Foreplay, if it occurs at all, is only a necessary means to an end. He likes oral sex but only as a recipient. His favourite positions enable him to avoid looking the woman in her eyes.

11. He will cheat on women he is dating or in a relationship with. Monogamy is the last thing he feels he owes a woman.

12. He may suddenly disappear from a relationship without ending it, but may come back three months later with an explanation designed to lure the woman back in.

According to Dr Brogaard, only rarely will a misogynist possess every one of these traits, which makes it harder to identify them. Their ability to lure women in with their charm and charisma adds to the difficulty of spotting the early-warning signs.

Women haters (unconsciously) get off on treating women badly. Every time they can put down a woman or hurt her feelings, they unconsciously feel good because deep down in their hidden brain, their bad behaviour is rewarded with a dose of the pleasure chemical dopamine – which makes them want to repeat the behaviour again and again.

Tim Winton says “we should not look away” but engage with those boys. “We have spent decades on removing traditional structures” “without providing an alternative path to manhood for young men, a path premised on decency, self-respect, kindness and care. It is up to the fathers as much as anyone else to repair and correct this demographic strip-mining”

Acknowledgments: Psychology Today, Dr Berit Brogaard, Tim Winton “The Shepherd’s Hut”, The Australian, ABC News